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Next Level Procrastination

Only like eight months ago, I was still studying Graphic Design. My class was like a mixture of tertiary and TAFE and it was a rather fabulous set up. Sure you spent four to eight hours at Swinburne every other day, but you very rarely had to take home work or do assignments outside of class time – hence the TAFE side of it. Nearing the end of my final semester, my mind had better ideas – like to play The Sims on my laptop whilst the teacher lectured etc. This is almost next level procrastination.

I was on the train to work just the other morning and I had a thought; what would life be like if I was sim. So I messaged a friend and together we agreed on some of the most valuable aspects of the game itself and how we could in fact benefit if our actual lives were able to take snippets from The Sims.

  1. Well if I could enable testing cheats in my life, I’d be as rich as the Kardashian’s have could probably purchase a condo like Kendal and a mansion like Kylie. If I ran out of money – no problem! There are no limits to how many times I can use FamilyFunds Tang 10,000,000.00.
  2. Fashion wouldn’t be an issue because if I’m to be honest – The Sims need to lift their fashion game by like 10 whole years. Now in The Sims 3, there’s the Diesel and Into The Future expansions, but they skipped this entire decade and there is only so much horrible denim I would let my Sim wear from 10 years ago!
  3. I could control my pet – almost like being a mind reader or like next level extrasensory perception (totally could’ve used ESP but I thought I would sound a little smarter today). Plus you can make your pet so happy, especially if it’s a dog – just tell it to destroy every piece of furniture. It works wonders if you have like trillions of dollars too because replacing it is even easier.
  4. Well you can land yourself a boyfriend, get married and have a child in like 3 real-life hours. Impressive.
  5. You can adopt for free! Could be a criminal for all the authorities know!
  6. Murdering someone has never been so easy. You just put them in a room without a door or give them a stove or something else of the evil kind.
  7. You can have plastic surgery and be ready to rumble the minute the surgery is over. With zero recovery time, if The Sims were real life – our celebrities could be different every single day!
  8. I would know how to play chess already.
  9. We can own a dozen cars for no apparent reason like today’s celebrities since our Sim will only ever drive the one car.
  10. I’d never have to clean a day in my life since I would be rich and a maid is only $125 a day!
  11. Finally – gaining weight doesn’t exist!

Technically, celebrities these days and The Sims are practically identical. If we could all have money then who would decide who was or wasn’t a celebrity? We could all be like James Packer, rich and ugly. We would never have to work but that would only work ideally if robots could provide services to us all.

So in retrospect, it is easier being human because we don’t have those stupid status bars that tell us when we are hungry and when we are lonely – god forbid I’d probably have died by now if I had a status bar. But being a Sim is surely not all it’s cracked up to be, but some of the perks would be nice.

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