The other night, a friend of mine compared me to the great character of Carrie Bradshaw. It’s flattering to think that my everyday life and terrible dating experience has made this blog of mine last close to eight months so far. Yet if I wrote in a private diary, I wouldn’t even last a week. The last time I cared for a personal written diary, it was filled with love-hearts with the initials of my crush at the time. Pretty sure those initials changed every few pages too. This diary also had a lock on it, to which I lost the key too. By the time I could be bothered opening it I ended up cutting the lock out of the cardboard covering.
These days, I blog. This is in fact my second blog – the first one became a sudden bitch-fest which I like to feel is below me. I’ve been told that I should write columns or something similar, yet I still voice my opinions here. I find my statistics intriguing, there are people in America and Canada reading my thoughts. I indulge myself in my writing probably more than I do in my actual life. Which did get me thinking, how and what will I write about when a man does walk into my life?
Things will become personal, it’ll be real and there won’t be any more dating bullshit. I mean, that’d be a great thing – but I don’t want to share and question every move he makes like I have once before. This other guy, he used to read my blog and think of it more as research into the way I think – but then he began to ask questions and how I’d handle those scenario’s with him and being asked such things up front and on the spot, they are tricky.
So being an engrossed over-thinker, blogging is my outlet to say what I want in the hope it conveys to the reader. But blogs are not truly meant to make sense to anyone but the reader and if I focused every detail on what you guys might think, then gee I would be here all day typing away. So being asked why I wrote things and if that could happen to this guy himself, I didn’t know what to say. In return it left him utterly confused which of course didn’t help.
I never realised how educated on the current news and events or how opinionated I was until just the other week. I don’t know how it happened but I was at a dinner and conversations got heated and it certainly turned into a debate. A debate with three completely different generations and I soon became the leader of the debate. I was of course the youngest of the entire debate and I had everyone but one nodding to my words. By this time, that one person stood and left. Being opinionated and growing up in what people like to say “the worst generation”, what they don’t realise is growing up and maturing fast makes you more aware of your surroundings.
Just the other day, someone asked why I had to go home when I was already half way to a gathering I was attending with friends. For starters – my trust in people these days is very limited and the thought of being on a train – alone – late at night was not on my bucket list. I’d prefer to behind the wheel and not drink.
There is this one guy that I know that is unable to comprehend women’s safety, in fact he cannot even put himself in our shoes. He doesn’t understand that these people have an issue with females and not him and he is constantly muttering to himself, “How can they have an issue with you? I never have an issue with them.” So I am a basketball referee, and I’m one of the hard asses that doesn’t take a pinch of bullshit from anyone. Being one of the best at my association means refereeing the highest grades we have. Being abused on the same call as my male counterpart is what we deal with. If a male called it, not a single word. If I call it, the whole world is coming to an end. Yet this one guy cannot understand that having breasts and a vagina single us out to be the bad guys at everything.
There were three of us in a discussion the other night, this one guy again and two females including himself. He couldn’t understand why she was talking of driving into the football game as oppose to catching the train alone. We explained the whole safety thing and he went into full defence mode exclaiming that the train will be full of people and nothing will go wrong. That isn’t the point guys. A crowd or no crowd, anything can happen anywhere at any time, even walking from the train to the car. Being opinionated and aware about the world and my surroundings could in fact keep me single forever. But being independent and careful of my own individual safety is what makes a female strong.
I’m pretty sure I’ve steered way off my original topic but it is what it is.
This blog, it’s me. It’s the voice I shut away in public to avoid a major case of foot and mouth disease. But this blog, it’s my diary and insight into my life. It’s something that’ll exist in ten years that I can pull up to read and reminisce.
I hope than ten years from now, I find someone who respects my thoughts and voice on things. I hope that ten years from now I’ll be happy, I hope I’ll be in the next chapter of my life and who knows what else will happen but I just hope no one ever tells me to shut up.