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Snail Mail 2.0

Well it’s Friday Eve and I’m currently waiting for my tan to dry – fake it, not bake it.

Whilst I was trying to apply my tan as evenly as possible whilst listening to practically every song The Weeknd ever recorded I began thinking up a topic to indulge all your eyes with.

The inevitable delayed responses.

We all do them occasionally – usually when we are working – but there are always those few times when we just wait and wait. There are a few scenarios that cover the somewhat delayed response. Whether they be returning a phone call, a text message, Facebook inbox or a simple Tinder message.

To date, missing my own Mother’s phone calls is a bad habit of mine. She lacks the patience to hold on that one extra ring whilst I dive on my phone only to find out she hung up. I do the right thing and return her call only to be sent to voice mail half a dozen times. About half an hour later she will shoot me a text message telling me not to worry. Seriously, I don’t understand – it’s like you wanted me and then changed your mind faster than you can keep a dogs attention. The rule of thumb is that if you ring someone and miss them, that person will usually ring you back as soon as possible or they’ll send you a text. You should expect the return call and maybe even answer it! That would be fabulous.

Oh now the good old text message, a quick and brief way to communicate with someone. But with the whole smart phone saga we have stubbled into, the notion of  ‘quick’ is still true but the idea of ‘brief’ has surely found the trash can. You can send lengthy essays to people now and depending on your type speed, that person can recite the entire script of Shrek to you in a text message in under five minutes. My issue with texting has developed after numerous conversations with various people where we exchange messages like a game of ping pong only to realise I hit the ping pong ball all the way to China.

If we are playing ping pong, don’t stop until we establish the finale of the action packed conversation!

Facebook is something almost every person has now, so when you message someone on Facebook guys, just remember they can see when you read it. Do you understand that? Are you sure? They can even see what time you read their message. That does not mean that you read it at noon and don’t reply until you’re snuggled in your bed. Clearly you had time to read the message, why not just respond?

As for my post finale, Tinder. I believe most of the people on Tinder are in fact after a quick root and boot, but that doesn’t explain why you take three days to respond. How do you even get a girl in your bed if you take an entire month to even get to the point of asking for her number? Step up your game dudes! I personally won’t even bother with you if the conversation is broken up into seventy-two hour intervals. My memory will literally become a concoction of goo if you want to have a conversation that starts on Saturday and ends on Thursday if all that has occurred is a “Hey”, “How are you?” and “How was your weekend?” – mate, it’s almost the weekend and you want to ask me about last weekend. Okay…

The idea of technology was to deter from the good old snail mail, not to create snail mail 2.0!

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