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Optional Filters

Last night I muted a group chat on Facebook so when I read my forty-nine messages this morning I discovered that this friend of mine practically fell in love with a girl on Tinder. He said she meets his “optional filters” – whatever that is.

He makes dating sound like online shopping; select colour, select size, and selected style.

As of a measly two seconds ago, he has withdrawn his statement of “optional filters” and has now called “the test”. He unknowingly tests every girl with the same few questions every time;

Is she tall? Does she lift? Does she like basketball? Is she educated? Is she well-travelled? Does she like dogs? Is she into star wars?

Ideally, he wants to date himself – or at least a female version.

He’s recently become a huge advocate for the dating app known as Happn. In effect, the app tells you who you’ve crossed paths with and you can either like them or delete them. When my friend crossed paths with his ex-housemate, you probably could’ve filled an Olympic swimming pool with the amount of drool that came from his jaw-dropped mouth. He will never eat where he shits so the fact she was an ex-housemate just made the temptation larger, yet he dated within his office building and ended it when words began spreading amongst the floors of the legal building. But he considered his new housemate just last week. Hypocritical or what?

He is aware that this blog is in the making, he has already called it “300 words of entertainment.” – even if I am just grilling his ass. I guess that could be my first review!

Anyhow, this guy and the new love of his life are even travelling around Europe at the same time so then he decided they would do bits of it together. I call this love in the first two seconds…

Or just desperate.

It’s a fairy-tale.

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