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Ghost

Ghosting; [Urban Dictionary]

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle?
Beth: I thought it went well, but I’ve texted him a couple of times since then and he’s been ghosting me.
Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that.

 


 

Because telling someone you’re simply not interested has become all too hard to say in this day and age, we have resorted to becoming a relative of Caspar or King Boo. Ghosting is like a huge stab in the chest, especially if you’re all about the dating game. Ghosting someone does take a pair of balls, I’ve ghosted maybe one or two guys on Tinder before, but I save them the heartache and just unmatch them rather than having them message me endlessly. I can only imagine what they thought of my cowardly move.

But once you leave Tinder, ghosting reaches a whole new level.

On most applications, you can find out when someone reads or views your message of snap – or however you’re communicating. So when they view and don’t respond, you know you’ve hit the ghost level.

A few months ago, I was speaking with this guy and we were getting along really well. The weeks passed by and he was hit with some hard news and from that day forward, everything changed – silence. Then he would randomly message me a few times, then silence.

And again…

And again…

It went on for a few weeks. Awkward silence with the occasional message and Instagram like, it was honestly the most confusing time. Like I’m on your mind, but you can’t say hello or goodbye? Do you give up? Do you move on? I didn’t know what to do, it was just a repetitive circle of nothing.

Eventually it just stopped.

I am however, not alone in the notion of ghosting being an immature and stupid hobby. It’s almost like leading someone on. A friend of mine was talking to this girl – maybe they were even ‘seeing’ each other. He was so into her and then she dropped the ball and stopped flirting and begun commenting on photos on Facebook that wound up in my friends newsfeed. He was nearing the ghost town, so he thought. But he at least grew a pair and asked some questions and she reassured him those photos were in no relation to him. However the spark died and for the past few days he has been rehearsing lines to tell her that he isn’t interested purely because he doesn’t want to be that guy that ghosts people. She responded with “All good” – she never cared.

At least there are people with a bit of compassion in this horrid world.

But is ghosting similar if not the same to standing someone up? I don’t think so, I think ghosting comes from behind an item of technology because they are too chicken shit to actually say “I’m not interested” and standing someone up is just a lazy dog act.

I have been stood up before by this guy, I’ll call him Bob. We arranged to meet at Pancake Parlour and he seemed alright, but he never showed – dick. Now, given I have been on several dating apps, Happn, Tinder, Bumble and Plenty of Fish. I have also matched with Bob on all of those applications, multiple times given I have deleted Tinder a lot. He uses the same lines and compliments every time but he has no idea that he’s already stood me up and that I remember him. You could say I have ghosted him a lot – he’s funny to toy with. I do delete him shortly after he greets me with the same line over and over though, I’m not mean enough to ghost him for an extended period of days.

Being ghosted can be a response to anything though, maybe you’re too boring or too weird. Maybe you chose to share something that they felt was inappropriate or they were offended. In my case, I shared a little too much.

As someone who isn’t really shy of people reading or having knowledge of my blog, it’s one of the hardest things to hand out to someone I’ve just met or never met. I’ve given the link to a handful of guys and more times out of ten, I am ghosted. Their response is silence. I think these incidences of ghosting hit me the hardest because this where I really express my thoughts and sometimes I can sound really complex. Am I too complicated? Do I scare people away?

One of my closest friends is an avid writer of novelty. Her imagination bewilders me but in a way that makes you read it a second time around. She doesn’t share her writing, it’s never edited – it’s pure. But she met this guy and for weeks she was so bubbly and alive. Then she told him about her writing and wrote something for him at his request.

Ghosted.

He removed her from Facebook and Tinder, blocked her number and was never to be heard from again. A severe form of ghosting, especially if you asked for story to feature yourself! Why would you bother wasting someone’s time and imagination if you were too perplexed to use your own imagination and open mind to enjoy the story? What a douchebag.

To all those people out there that believe ghosting someone is a rad thing to do, just stop. It’s really not hard to send a few words to someone before you block, delete, unfollow and unmatch.

Stop being fucking cowards!

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