Ultimatum; [Urban Dictionary]
- A final statement of terms made by one party to another;
- A statement, especially in diplomatic negotiations, that expresses or implies the threat of serious penalties if the terms are not accepted.
George Bush’s famous ultimatum to the American people “you’re either with us, or you’re a terrorist”.
Remaining friends with an ex-bae isn’t at all an odd thing, if anything it’s a mature thing to do given the split was relatively mutual. If you didn’t end on bad circumstances then why not? Usually it’s just caused by the loss of love, sometimes it just dies.
I am pretty good friends with a few of my ex’s, those who ended on good terms that is. Those that did me wrong are not even in the picture, but those who could maintain a friendship are very much so in my life right now. So the notion of never being friends with an ex is just utter bullshit to me.
Yesterday, a friend of mine found herself in a bit of tangle. She has managed to maintain a friendship with her ex-boyfriend, they dated for several years. Now the new guy in her line of sight believes that one simply cannot be friends with an ex.
“You can’t move on with someone else and stay friends with an ex, it doesn’t work like that and I’m sure a lot of people would have the same opinion, not just me”, he said.
Well yes, I’m sure a lot of people probably do think that – but I’m a living example that it can work.
This guy then resorted to a very cowardly choice and gave her an ultimatum – him or the ex.
Now as far as I am aware, this guy is so new to her line of sight that they’ve partaken in nothing but harmless flirting and a few deep and meaningful conversations. So really, he has little to no footstep in the doorway to her heart and he’s already trying to set the ground rules. Okay mate.
I think the best way to deter anyone is with an ultimatum. It’s not like we are at a mature age with the idea of marriage on the cards, we are young ladies and we have zero time for cowardly ultimatums. In the long run, you need to understand that an ultimatum can hurt yourself more than anyone.
Sure the guy who has been around for a whole two seconds would be thrilled to learn you chose him over your ex. But if there is even the slightest of chances that you could resent him for this choice then it’s not worth it. No relationship is worth the guilt that you’ll become a victim to if you cease a friendship for something that might not even last.
That, does not make for a healthy relationship.
Dating a guy who is insecure, easily jealous and a coward is certainly an experience, but not a great one. I’ve been in a relationship where I was accused of cheating with one of my male friends. My ex even stalked my online Facebook activity and ceased to converse with me until two days later. A simple one liner that demonstrated jealousy at its finest broke the silence, “I hope he’s worth it”. Although having ceased conversation with this male friend, the constant doubt I received from my insecure ex lead to the good old ultimatum and after a week and I came to resented him.
Once you resent someone, it’s never the same.
End of relationship.
So personally speaking, ultimatums are for the government bodies, not for your hearts.
Don’t waste your time on cowards.