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The GIF Queen

Generally speaking, one would use an umbrella to protect themselves from rain or if you’re a real fancy bum, you’d use it to protect oneself from the sun. I live in Melbourne and our weather is top notch hormonal, more or less a dysfunctional shithole when it comes to the thermostat and all the added bonuses that accompany the temperature.

We are seven months into the year and I’ve already attended the funerals of five of my umbrellas. But it is with great sadness that I inform you all that just now, my sixth umbrella has ended its life and I’ve just purchased numero seven this morning.

But what’s better than a fucked relationship with an umbrella? My relationship with Tinder guy. Having ended and limited our interaction, you could say that it exploded and was thrown in trash. Do not rant to me about double standards and tell me I’m a ‘typical girl’ and not expect to be the subject of a blog post and then tell me it was harsh. What’s harsh is you implying I’m a slut for joining Tinder when you implied it was open season.

My Mother adores you, she’s hoping you’ll be back. I listened to it all weekend, it was glorious.

She extended an invite to you for Christmas lunch as well, but I’m taking that invite back. We’ll never be anything but civil, like you said “it’s a shame we are at two different stages in our lives”. So I hope your stage where double standards exist works out well.

P.S. You’re much more attractive without the beard.

P.P.S. Your double standards hurt me too, lost all hope for you in those few moments.

P.P.P.S. You’re still the most attractive red head ever.

But whatever, I’ve spent too much time reminiscing old drama.

So with that all said and done, the Tinder Games continue and the banter life is real. A male pal of mine has joined our social group and literally went and matched a thousand groups yesterday, sent my notifications on fire. The best part was, he hardly matched any females and was stuck bantering with the guys about Pokémon Go and Star Wars. So after he pulled my leg in one conversation and had me fooled for a few moments, I went and hit him good in another conversation and introduced him as my trans bestfriend who loves the ‘Big D’. Even a group can banter amongst themselves yanno.

Not to mention I have the world’s strongest GIF game, has to be the easiest way to maintain a conversation – instant ice breakers and fabulous awkward moment killer. I cannot thank Tinder enough for allowing me to claim my title and reign as the GIF queen. You da real MVP Tinder.

But with all this love and romance talk, I ventured to a local cinema over the weekend and viewed the film, Me Before You. I spent the final twenty minutes of the movie in tears, the salty taste of tears ran onto my lips nonstop – don’t even need popcorn these days for numb lips. I then realised I’m only twenty-one years old and guys are fuckwits so all my romantic hopes and dreams are still, just hopes and dreams, and to be quite clear, I would rather watch The Avengers and stare at Captain America’s arms and jawline than watch a romantic movie that leaves me dwindling in my poor lack of romance life.

You have all just witnessed my romantically inflicted mental breakdown. Please keep in mind that it is Monday and I know for a fact that this entire post makes no sense – zero order in here.

Mondayitis won again…

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