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The Countdown

Well the good news is my crutches have been retired and I have the ability to walk with the assistance of a moon boot otherwise it’s just a very fucked up hobble. I’m just really psyched at my ability to bear weight now which allows me to shower like a normal human being instead of a one-legged circus act which resulted in my huddling up in the corner of the shower so I could use it for support as I washed my hair. Balancing with your eyes closed is very much a talented art form I have not mastered yet.

In less than twenty-four hours I’ll be limping myself into a few thousand litres of chlorine to begin both my rehabilitation and to awaken my long-lost cardiovascular system.

Who knew I’d miss exercise?

But speaking of exercise, I have decided I could possibly compete in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, possibly in gymnastics after all, my upper body strength right now is in tip-top form after three weeks of crutches.

The crippled life still remains very much a burden to both my life and my fabulous collection of shoes, there are about eight left foot Nike sneakers at the end of my bed. All I want to do is wear a matching pair. So in order to lift my spirits, I ordered a new pair of kicks for the retirement of the moon boot.

T-minus two weeks – the countdown is on, bitch.

However if you multiply that forecasted date by four, you’ll realise I can’t return to a basketball court for another two long months which is very much a tragic sentence but hey, it’s not as bad as those twelve months I spent moping around following a knee reconstruction.

But my deep vein thrombosis diagnosis is looking God awfully grim and is refusing to budge which is very impolite, like “excuse me blood clot, but you’re costing me some dollars, please leave”.

But at least I can now carry a coffee around like a normal human who doesn’t have to control a set of crutches and attempt to not look like a newborn baby giraffe.

…and with that, adios amigos!

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