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Common Sense

Today, I’ve decided to rant about absolutely everything and anything. It might not make sense and the chances of any two paragraphs meshing together are beyond slim, but I need to hash it out – ya feel?

Stage One;

Public transport is supposed to relieve people of traffic congestion and ghastly hourly parking rates. However there are a lot of fuckwits on trains these days and I’m ashamed to be stereotypically related to them. Yes, I am talking about my Asian relatives. When the sardine-like train comes to a halt at a platform, the common thing to do is to get off the train to allow others to exit. However, when you refuse to move and are incapable of realising this yourself and instead stare blankly out of the carriage door, people will shove and push to get past you. It’s not that hard to get off so a steady flow of humans can exit from both directions in which the carriage houses us mammals. How can a stereotype that are generally known as the smartest people on the planet be so dim? Get the fuck off the damn train guys!

Stage Two;

Recently, I completed my one thousand and four hundred and something days of my probationary drivers licence.  Yes, I wanted to sound smart but due to leap years I got a little muddled so four hundred and something shall suffice. Anyway, four years have passed and I’m now a big girl with a full licence. Anyhow, freeways and highways are by far my favourite part of any drive, I love to drive at the highest legal speed I can find.  But when dim-witted idiots want to drive ten kilometres under the speed limit in the most inner lane that is commonly known as the ‘fast lane’, then you deserve every toot and hoot that comes your way. Get out of the far lane my friend, it’s that easy. Let those who want to either do the speed limit or get a speeding fine get past you, it’ll save you from all the grey hairs that appear from being the victim of tailgating.

Stage Three;

All you fancy fuckers that find a spare $50k or so to splash on a car of European decent cannot drive. I don’t care if you drive under the speed limit (as long as you’re not in the far lane on a motorway), but if you don’t know how to signal or who to give way to – don’t drive a God damn expensive car because someone will hit you. My mother always told me that one must drive for others. So to all of the fancy people out there, drive for others because I would absolutely love to know which way you’re turning rather than take off in front of you or sit there twiddling my thumbs whilst I wait for you to make up your God damn mind! I’d also really appreciate to know when you’re changing lanes, I swear to God I will rear end an expensive car one day and it’ll be when y’all don’t use your signals.

Stage Four;

People that don’t respond to a text message within two seconds or even two hours but have five seconds to send you a Snapchat or tag you in something on Facebook. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I don’t want to be tagged in something on Facebook about a calendar of hot guys when you could’ve responded to my text message. Please straighten out your priorities.

Stage Five;

Clingy human beings. I went out with an old pal over the weekend and all I heard was;

06:35PM  |  “Oh, a missed call”

07:41PM  |  “Another missed call”

09:37AM  |  “Four missed calls”

10:01AM  |  “Should answer this call”

I would die, like remove that shizzle from your life. He sighed every time he mentioned a missed call but he tolerates it, I don’t understand how someone can tolerate THAT for four fucking years! Imagine when they get married, he’ll have to pull some stupid excuse to go to the pub for a cold one. That’s what I’m sensing and it’s horrifying. I like space, acknowledgement and a response but to hell with fifty thousand missed calls!

Stage Six:

I am a self-confessed shopaholic and I love to take the shopping centres by storm. However, there are too many selfish people out there that block my path. On Saturday I walked passed a store to find a line of guys across the walkway waiting for their girls to depart the store – this is more than fine and very logical. But there were mothers with trolleys and prams standing at the entrance to the store because their daughters were in the store. Like remove your objects from the stores entrance and line up with all the guys. Not only are you depriving a store from profit due to lack of entry, but you also minimise the walkway since there is already a line of males and logically, one would join them. If your child is old enough to shop in this store which I shan’t name – then you don’t need to babysit her. Now move your trolley and prams in line with the males on the other side of the walkway!

I believe this concludes my rant – ‘twas a good one.

In summary, all I have to say are some wise words my mother used to say; “common sense never went on sale for people to purchase” – she was oh so right.

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