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The Worst

I have a habit of recounting all my embarrassing moments to practically anyone and everyone, I don’t care if I’ve only known you for a few milliseconds of my life. I’m more than certain that I’ll spill the beans on the many glorious moments of my life in an attempt to beat my mother to the punch. It’s less embarrassing when you’re the storyteller, you control the punchline.

However I’m not opposed to my mother retelling stories of my childhood, so if I had to choose between embarrassing stories or an awkward date, I would one hundred percent raise my hand for a compilation of embarrassing stories as told by my mother.

All that comes of an embarrassing story is a few giggles and possibly a never-ending reminder of that one little moment when you fucked up. I can deal with daily reminders of the day I announced to the world that I wanted to be a full-time giraffe – I thought was a legitimate occupation. I was three years old and yes my parents have it recorded on VCR.

Yet until this day, I’m still the greatest known lover of the beloved giants and everyone knows it.

On the other hand we have the topic of awkward dates, a subject I can’t say I’m too familiar with. Generally speaking, I can talk under water when I’m in a comfortable position. Yet I managed to land myself in a very uncomfortable and awkward date the other day and I regretted it instantly. He took work calls, he spoke of only work and he noted me as lame and boring within the hour.

I actually scheduled my pal to call me with a family emergency because deep down, I was dying.

I’ll even admit to giving zero fucks about an excuse and using “Sorry, I’m really tired” in order to decline watching a movie at his house whilst he yapped on about work once again and it was only 8:30pm.

I’ll note that this sounds like more of a boring date than an awkward date but when you zone out after listening about his career for a solid half an hour and then you realise he had posed a question and was waiting on your response and all you have up your sleeve is “excuse me?”, it really is a fucking awkward date.

My advice to you all, is to choose wisely and always pay attention so you don’t look like a daydreaming fairy.

… and that my friends, is the story of my worst date ever.

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