There’s nothing worse than seeing people wear things they simply just shouldn’t. There’s a teenager that all my pals mutually follow on social media – Instagram to be exact. This girl never had a toned figure but rather flaunted her ladyhumps as if it were the last day in planet earth – in her defence, that’s all she had to show. I remember the few times she posed for a booty shot were nothing short of an embarrassment, it was like a Where’s Wally book trying to find the damn booty. Even I know I lack booty, but I know how to god damn work a booty shot (not that you’ll see them)!
Of course we have the people who wear leggings without covering their behinds, but there are tricks to this cliched fad; firstly, spend a few dollars on them, after all quality means no one will see your bloody underwear and secondly, wear skin coloured or black underwear – no one in this world wants to see your polka dots or stripes, god forbid I certainly don’t want to see leopard print!
Then we have our current trend of the season, thigh high boots. Don’t get me wrong, I love thigh high boots when I actually find a pair to fit my muscular legs because according to the measurements, I’m about 2cm bigger than your average circumference for both calves and thighs *insert eye roll here*. I feel like there should be requirements for purchasing thigh high boots though, like if you don’t have long ass Kendall Jenner legs then what the fuck are you doing buying something that’ll make you look tacky? I have a well proportioned body, my torso and legs are even – no one section dominates my figur. I know for a fact that I can rock thigh high boots becauase I will still have enough thigh to show between the top of the boot and the hem of whatever mini item it is I’ve chosen to compliment the boots. But we also face the challenge of the open toed boots that are rather common and literally always sold out in my size, this style is not for the short and stubby. A pointed toe is a well known leg elongator (making up words right now), a almond toe or a blunt toe make for an everyday comfort look but a peep toe is strictly made for a well manicured supermodel.
I’m certainly not a supermodel, I wouldn’t dare tackle a peep toe thigh high boot but I would conquer the peep toed ankle sock boot if ya know what I mean. Totally just purchased a pair also – get excited!
Any who, when this girl posted a series of photos on social media presenting outfits involving peep toe thigh high boots – I cringed. My pals cringed, immediately firing bullets at her fully length mirror for not telling her the honest truth. Heck, Snow White is the god damn truth!
Honey, your friends are not friends if they cannot give you the truth like a magic fucking mirror! But if you also cannot take that truth, then what the fuck are you even doing?
I saw a girl at a club a few weeks back dancing on a platform. I don’t know her, I don’t care for her, but she did burn my eyes. This girl would’ve been a woman’s size 12 maybe even a 14, but I feel like she walked into Bardot and picked up a black strappy mini dress in a size 8 and left without trying it on. It was so small, her back fat was spilling out over the strappy back and it was bloody unflattering. No gurl, no.
You friends should never let you leave the house if you look that terrible, ever. Dump them, find new friends – you deserve new friends! It’s as simple as that.
Oh it’s just all so cringe worthy.
Buy things that actually accentuate your body and don’t drown you in self pity until you become a fashion victim!