For my regulars, you already know of my failed dating life. For my newcomers, welcome to a blog primarily based around my dating life and the many other failures I’ve come to accept in my daily life. I have dated a ton of guys, my workmates joke about my continuous dating followed by questions of how long until I plan to ‘settle down’ – we’ll news flash, I can’t entertain male company long enough to do such a thing!
So below is a list of everything I do that assists me in remaining single; #foreveralone
- A resting bitch face; it literally acts as a concrete wall forbidding any male from entering the premises
- Not having my notifications turned on; sorry I literally didn’t see your Tinder message
- Boobs; apparently photos with cleavage = an easy fuck
- Responding to a text message too fast; they must think I’m too keen
- Honesty; apparently there’s a very fine line between being honest and being too honest, a line I’m yet to understand which I believe is the primary reason for relationship status
- Not responding to a booty call; not easy enough
- Not responding to a childish text message; I’m far too boring
- Working on the weekends; god forbid I earn an income
- Only just finishing my first year of university at the age of twenty-three; I’m too immature to be serious
- Not talking dirty; mate I don’t get paid to talk to you, why would I talk dirty
So in ten short dot points, I’ve basically summarised the past four years of my dating life – oh what a life I live.
There are probably another thousand things I could add but I cannot think of them right now so I guess this will have to do but I’m sure (or more so hoping) that I’m not alone. I do believe we live in the generation of fuckboys and it will indeed be a long time until I ‘settle down’. I does baffle me that people younger than I have recently got engaged or that people can post anniversary pictures on social media celebrating eight or nine years, I mean I don’t even keep my mobile phone long enough to celebrate such an anniversary! I think my longest love would be with my iPod Classic – the best invention yet.